The Pain of Ambition

The bell rang and school was out, thank goodness. Finally, Tuesday was "over." After stopping by my locker, same as any other grey metal locker, to grab some stuff to bring home with me, I headed down towards the yellow school buses that are always lined up outside the auditorium and the ramp. Weighed down with all my books, notebooks, folders, pens, pencils, paper, and lunch box, I climbed into the bus, passing the bus driver who is too young and strict to be a good bus driver, and sit down next to some girl I don't really know since there were no open seats left for me to plop down in. I took a moment to get settled before I begin my usual habit on this bus- people watching. As my eyes make their usual rounds and my mind makes its usual conclusions about these people I have come to share the bus with, I notice the girl who I have sat next to is reading a book. It's a story! A real, paper and ink, fictional book. The kind of book I haven't seen since last year.

It brought up wonderful memories of the days when I used to read for fun. The days before my current English teacher and the depressing books we read in that class; the days before AP European History. These days, all I read is the textbook for History and the books for English class. That is not to say I did not enjoy reading The Great Gatsby or Julius Caesar, but I miss the books full of magic and no morals, or no morals any English teacher would admit to. (I could list a few from very good books full of magic such as Eragon, The Riddlemaster, or even Rampant.) I miss being sucked into a good book and sitting around doing nothing but killing dragons (or saving them depending upon the story), traveling on quests, and adventuring with my friends. 

However, my position (not having the time to read those kinds of books) is all my own fault. I have been (perhaps too) ambitious in school. I chose to be in English Sem, Chem Sem, AP Euro, and Pre-Calc Sem. And, so far, I have learned a lot (I can now kind of present, while before I was too shy to make any sense) and have made out with good grades, most of them As and some high Bs. My ambition has pretty much paid off, except for the lack of reading and extreme stress. 

But that is not to say I will miss this year. The end could not come soon enough. Perhaps I will try to find time to read books again once Color Guard is finished (this weekend is championships and I still can't throw a quad on rifle, albeit this is my first season ever spinning rifle and before I couldn't even do butt spins). Or perhaps it will have to wait until after the AP test since I really need to get to studying for it. *Refer to "A Memory That Fades Away", hence I need a 5 on this test*

This year has been tough with some of the hardest classes and teachers my school offers (I think Sophomore year is the hardest and I really hope it is, but I guess I'll see. I know Junior year is stressful because of college but surely it can't be this bad.) I cannot wait until I can relax and school is over. Unfortunately, though, I have not learned from this years experience and I plan to take more AP and Sem classes next year.  Oh well, I can only hope I will have a chance to return to my beautiful books one day. Ambition is painful, but I hope it'll pay off.